I had a client email me the other day for a session. As I read through her email I was struck by the "energy" of the feelings she was describing and this image of fishtailing in a car popped in my mind. She could feel herself going into the skid and she didn't want to. I was inspired to look up what to do when the car hits a skid and I stumbled upon this great website, Roadtrip America. (www.roadtripamerica.com/forum/content.php?38) It was the perfect metaphor for her situation. She had done a lot of work on herself the last year and had grown leaps and bounds....then the patch of black ice in the road and...out of control. (Note: The article is great to read as tips for hitting "all kinds of skids!)
There will always be "road hazards" and learning to use everyday physics, the laws of motion, in this case was very useful. It is often about balance and alignment, two principals that are basic to our everyday life experience. We know when we are and we know when we are not! I have a hunch this tip may work in any number of situations. So, with this image in mind, I guided the client through the skid, by first turning into it, not away from it.
Sound familiar? We SO want to get away from our "yucky" feelings, what we think of at times as our "petty, small-minded, mean-spirited, down on ourselves and others feelings".
Well, here is where the "how to recover from a skid" sign pointed us in just the right direction.
With the image of turning into the skid, it reminded me of Byron Katie's The Work, http://www.byronkatie.com/ and an exercise called "Judge Your Neighbor." It was important to let all the negative, "yucky" feelings express themselves. Well, no sooner did the client start into this "skid" than she was laughing at herself and feeling much freer. That led the way to some deeper insights and questions and to some stronger feelings and clearer relationships with herself and others.
Here are a few insights from the session notes that came out of this "skid." They are great to remember for balance and re-alignment in all kinds of situations.
1. When you feel like you have "hit the black ice," remember to turn into the feelings and use a technique like "judge your neighbor" and say or write all the thoughts you are having. Be as petty, small-minded, honest as you can and just get it all out. As you discovered, some of the thoughts made you laugh and in some instances, you felt you would say the same thing about yourself at times. The outcome is we discover thoughts that feel "true or truer" than the ones that originally threw you into the skid.
2. TAO (Transparent, Authentic and Open) this is a tool I learned in my Martha Beck Life Coach Training. (http://www.marthabeck.com/) and it is a simple and powerful reminder. If we start with ourselves and take responsibility for what we expect and feel and ask for what we want...it is the ASKING that is powerful.
3. I love this simple tool...ASK, ALIGN, ALLOW. I have come across this many times and I have it written on a small 3 x 5 card in my office where I run across it everyday. It is a great re-mind-er. We often want experiences that we are not quite ready for and we discover this when we "hit the skid." We can then clarify with ourselves what we want to feel, which helps us let others go, which leads to a new understanding with ourselves first, and then with our loved ones. Out of this experience, we often find we have new "contracts" with ourselves, our family, friends and our business relationships.
4. This process helped you discover the difference between loneliness and alone-ness. One feels dis-empowering, the other empowering. There is a great deal we can accomplish as a "sole/soul proprietor." You discovered that there were "mind traps" in that black ice that were telling you that you were not strong enough to make it on your own. You thought your age, lack of experience, (fill in the blank with your own "slippery thoughts!") There was a belief that experience is only gained through work and after questioning that belief, you discovered that you gain experience not just by working. You realized that you gain experience when you play, dream, sleep, talk. You gain inspiration, ideas and these then are new experiences. There was now a new belief about the wealth of new re-sources to draw upon.
5. Strong, grounded, images can counter-balance thoughts of being out of control. A large oak tree with a big, extensive root system, or a powerful, deep, flowing river, strong and independent and neutral are great tools to re-connect. Being in the natural world, in body or in spirit re-balances and re-stores. Use these and other images, waterfall, lake, or red clay to be grounded in the earth and have all four tires on the road!
Thanks to RoadTrip America for the great title. I can't wait to discover Defensive Driving Tips 1-29!
My hunch is many of you know them already...
